she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
