Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
