your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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