Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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