go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
