Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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