I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
