Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
