considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
