I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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