i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
