Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
