omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
