When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
