Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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