Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My first STD was from a foam party
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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