I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
