I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
