This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
