Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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