Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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