i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
