i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
