Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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