highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
