Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
