So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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