I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
