I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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