I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
