i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
