My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
