we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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