Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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