You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
