it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
