I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
