I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
did i just pee glitter
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
