Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
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last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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