Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
