is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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