The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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