i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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