3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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