Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
