it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
