So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
