Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
