Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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