I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
