I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize