Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
