I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize