Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
