why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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