She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
