Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
