just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
