It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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