Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
