Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
