Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
