I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
