Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
