One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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