That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
