nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
