y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
