Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
