u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
