is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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