This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
