you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
