I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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