HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
