that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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