Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
