i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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