He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
