she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize