I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's shark week go big or go home
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
