I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
