Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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