she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think my fart just growled at me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
