New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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