today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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