Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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