My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He shit in the fireplace
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
